I’m one of those people who doesn’t dwell on “stuff”. I don’t look at the negative – I try to focus on the positive, etc. (Cause it’s in there – but sometimes need to dig for it.) My entire life I’ve had to be the “strong” one, and for the majority I always was. As a youngin’ I pushed through a lot – and in my adult years – I pushed through even more in order to live the life I wanted to live. Here we are … with another one of the Lord’s tests and I’ll be damned if I don’t push through this one too.
Admittedly, I’m writing this post not to give you a false perception that I’m super woman or the chick version of Captain Amazing – more so to show you that even though I’ve always been strong, I’m completely and utterly vulnerable. Just like everyone else. Not only am I vulnerable – I’m also petrified. And I know that it’s silly and that she’ll be just fine … but even still – as a mom that fear of “what if” is crippling.
You see, my little one – Dami, hasn’t been feeling quite right. She’s been complaining about headaches for a while – it was sporadic [no noticeable pattern], but always in the same spot in the back of her head when I asked here where it hurt. In the past few months I’ve noticed her running into stuff, falling easily, walking like she drank a bottle of wine and I chalked it up to growing, becoming lanky, and starting that whole awkward stage. Lately though, the headaches are coming every week, along with dizziness. She would stand still and start swaying in circles or going back and forth. Then her belly would hurt and on occasion, she’d vomit too. [TMI - Sorry.]
Enough was enough and after this weekend’s report from her dad’s house, and Monday mornings’ bout of swaying, and an evening filled with dizziness, I called the pediatrician. They got us in fairly quickly and by Tuesday at 4:00 she was being seen. The doctor examined her and did some preliminary tests to check her balance. She ran up and down the hall, walked on her tiptoes, walked on her heels, etc. She said she did as well as she would expect for a child who just turned seven. However, because of the headaches and a family history of migraines and brain tumors – the doctor has ordered an MRI with sedation for Dami.
This wasn’t an easy decision to make. I absolutely HATE the idea of having her be sedated, but I knew in my heart that there was NO way she’d lay down for that test, when she’s already afraid of loud noises and I can’t be in that room holding her hand. The doctors goal is to rule out anything bad and go from there. I’d be lying it I told you I haven’t been uncontrollably crying since last evening. But you know how it is – expect the worst and pray for the best.
Her MRI is scheduled for this Friday at 11:40 a.m. If you’re the praying type – we’d certainly appreciate them. If you’re not – good vibes are just as awesome. I promise to update you guys somehow.
To those of you whose sessions/weddings I am working on – I’m working on them, I promise. I may need an extra couple of days but when she’s not snuggling with me, my hand is on my mouse and I’m plugging away. She is my main priority and she needs her momma. I will be in touch with you soon too! Thanks so much for your support and love. It’s so appreciated at this time (and always).